What the heck does “wholeness” mean?

My work, the work I do with my clients, in its simplest terms is; to support them to explore, with curiosity, what it means to be whole.

I deeply listen, acknowledge, and reframe their words for them to hear themselves freshly. I gently question the stories, beliefs and norms they are living with.

“She who wants to have right without wrong,

order without disorder

does not understand the principles

of heaven and earth

she does not know

how things hang together.” – Chuang Tzu 4th century B. C.

Wholeness is being able to have right with wrong, order and disorder, love and fear, joy and sorrow. It’s being able to know it, to make sense of it and not make sense of it, to allow yourself to be moved by life, to be with all of it, the good, the bad, and the ugly and not be swept away.

Wholeness is recognizing there is a horizontal and a vertical plane in life. Horizontal is the human journey, all the doings we make happen, the vertical is our connection to source, to self, to wholeness, our sense of oneness, of life being more than just you. When you are connected to both, that’s called presence, when you are not that’s called disconnected. In its simplest terms that is…

In our culture staying connected to “positive” thoughts and feelings is encouraged and that often creates flatness. When you miss out on sadness, sorrow or grief and only allow yourself to express and feel the “good” feelings and thoughts you live a sort of half life. I am not saying that can’t be an okay life, it can be, but it’s not a whole life. Pain and pleasure are our birthright one cannot be fully felt without the other. Part of my journey and my coaching is to explore attention practices and ways of being present so that you and I can experience it all. I call that being very ALIVE.

Pause for a moment and think about a healthy newborn baby… that beauty, that wholeness…that is what each of us is. A growing healthy infant experiences sadness, pain, joy, contentment…ALL OF IT.

 

Last week I had the opportunity to do a workshop for a local business. When I arrived the leader came out and let me know they were running late and he needed 30 more minutes to complete a process. The workshop just happened to be in a building right by the river. It was one of those amazing autumn morning so I took a walk. Within a minute of stepping out of the building I saw a hawk soaring above me, an osprey diving for a fish, felt the wind moving though my hair, and the warmth of the sun on my face. I watched people run and ride, ducks and geese and dogs frolic in the water. In those moments I remembered my wholeness, I was connected to the world’s wholeness, receiving what life had to offer. I went back to the group and was able to give a presentation that was very much in line with what I had just received.

Most of you have been taught to believe you aren’t whole, you aren’t okay. Recognizing and acknowledging your wholeness sometimes takes someone else holding up that mirror, someone else offering practices to cultivate and grow that relationship with yourself.

Recently I was sitting with a client reflecting back to her how giving she was, something she didn’t see in herself, tears rose in both our eyes in the same moment, because the truth is we miss the beauty in ourselves as often as we ignore the pain.

 

Moments of wholeness are experienced when you are connected to something greater than yourself and at the same time as you are deeply connected to yourself.  I imagine you have had these moments, my work is to help you link them up…to have more moments like that.

“To see a World in a Grain of Sand

And a Heaven in a Wild Flower,

Hold Infinity in the palm of your hand

 And Eternity in an hour” – William Blake  

If you are interested in doing this kind of work call me to schedule an informal chat, with no obligation, at 541-389-0831.

In gratitude for my own sweet moments of wholeness, and to yours…past, present and future,

Carol